Scotty Finds a State-Of-The-Art Computer Repair Firm in Knoxville

The Undiscovered (Space) Country

“What the heck is this?!” Stefan Wilson said the moment he energized atop a little circle in the transporter room of the Starship Enterprise.

“It’s future tech, laddie, but I’m afraid we havena’ got the future assistance we need in future tech maintenance–the Federation’s got some economic woes.”

“Uh… uh… uh… uh…”

“Here, have a shot of this,” and Scotty handed him a bottle of Romulan ale.

Stefan took it, swallowed a shot, then spit it out. “What was that?”

“Alien booze. Now laddie, I understand you provide computer repair in Knoxville, Tennessee?”

“Uh… yeah. I’m with Allevia Technology. We provide:

  • Managed IT
  • Compute Repair
  • Website Design

…and a whole host of—”

“Aye, Aye, I heard the cap’n give a debreifin’. Well, here’s the deal, laddie. Have ye noticed any computer screens around ye?”

“Uh… no…”

Some Exposition Regarding the Lack of Computer Screens in The Future

“Well, that’s because our own tech advanced well beyond computer repair in Knoxville circa 2017, but then people quit usin’ money and started manufacturin’ synthehol, which forced old boys like me to go to alien drink, but that isna’ the point; the point is, we need the kinda tech ye’re used to providin’ in the 21st century, we need ye’ to help us refurbish our spacecraft, and though we donna use money in the 21st century, I can give ye’ a case o’ Romulan Ale and a coupla’ these here phasers— see yonder potted plant?” And Scotty fired a laser beam that made it disappear.

“Jiminy Crickets!” Stefan exclaimed.

“That’s an antiquated expression even for your time, Laddie,” Scotty laughed. “Now lemme show ye the rest of the ship— we’ll like as not need help with the warp drive as well; anythin ye’ can deliver will be fine.”

“Well hold on there, Scottish dude; I’m used to providing computer repair in Knoxville with my team. I need my guys with me.”

“Well why didna ye say so?” Scotty turned back to the energizer controls, beeped some buttons, turned some knobs, depressed some levers, swore at the computer a few times, saying: “Computer, lock on tah the coordinates!”

I’m sorry, I didn’t get that, replied the computer.

“Consarned @#&! thing!” Replied Scotty. “You see our problems, laddie?” But within a few moments he had things figured out, and half a dozen other IT people from Allevia appeared flabbergasted as Stefan Wilson had been.

“Did we just—”

“Was that—”

“Are we—”

“What the—”


Getting the IT Dream Team Assembled

“Settle down, fellas— these are just some cats from the future who need help getting their space drive back in order and configuring their computer systems. Seems they figured out how to get beyond computer screens, then forgot how to use computers or encode them, except for alien assistance! Snicker!”

One of the tech people rolled his eyes. “Stefan, you don’t say snicker, you’re supposed to actually snicker.”

“Shut up, Eugene!”

“Boyos,” Scotty cut off any further repartee, “I hate to curtail the reunion, by we need to get this old girl up and running. If ye’ll follow me,” and he turned, leading the way out of the transporter room toward the engineering deck.

The tech professionals were quick to follow behind, staring about the Enterprise with eyes that couldn’t keep the wonder that every young man felt contained.

Stefan Wilson

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